I hate being a little bitch, but recently, I had to go to the doctor and he politely called me a sweat hog and that if I want to live to see who wins Survivor this season, I better get a bit more exercise.
So, I am eating less, going to the gym and feeling good, except one thing. I miss my regular shit. Not shit as in things to do, but shitting on the toilet at 7PM every night. Now, I maybe shit once every couple of days and it’s a struggle. Talk about losing my manhood, forget erectile dysfunction, I want to read the paper in piece and shit on queue. I am trying more fiber, but would sure be nice just to get back my manhood!
Dieting Sucks
November 19th, 2009
Cold hands
November 18th, 2009My office is frigging freezing today because some a-hole down the hall decided that he would rather live the arctic life. I just had to take a leak. Guess what, my dick is now cold thanks to cold hands and the prick down the hall.
Twittering
November 18th, 2009My first tweet. How sweet. What do I say?
Well, how about this? Why are so many people so fucking stupid? I come to work and get most of what I need to do in about 10% of the time it takes others. The rest of my day is spent waiting and waiting on other fools that cannot figure out the simplest of shit. I know I should be enjoying the time but come on, throw me a bone and just get the shit done!
Wtf did i do wrong?
November 17th, 2009So, having a great evening with the family when all of a sudden I am getting chewed out by my lovely wife for nothing. I was actually helping her do something when I get a load of fucking attitude. Of course, I know after this long of being married that if I fight back, I will have 3 days of hell, no sex for a week and a reference point 3 weeks from now when she runs out of shit to complain about, she’ll say, “what did you mean that day when ….”. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be gay.
Blogging While Taking a Dump
November 17th, 2009So I am here sitting on the toilet after a fine meal and surfing my iPhone. I find a cool free app in the app store for posting to my blog. You are all in luck. Many of my great ideas come from here.
Gotta wipe! Until next time!
The Fuck Test
November 17th, 2009Let me start you off with the Fuck test. If you are already offended by me saying Fuck, then you better get off of my fucking web site.
This leads me to my first topic…The Fuck Test. If you just meet someone for the first time and you’re kind of getting the vibe that this guy could be on the fence of being just a limp dick or a potential good buddy, drop the F bomb on him during dinner with him and his wife.
Let’s just say this guy is named Ralph and I say as he is passing the salt, “Hey Ralph, did you see that fucked up call during the world series?” How does he respond?
Option 1 – Potential Good Friend
This means he answered, “The mother fucker needs to gets his eyes checked, see the play again, and then blow is fucking brains out for being so stupid.”
Option 2 – Total Douche and Ask for the Check
This means he either said that he doesn’t watch sports, his wife gave him the stink eye, or he simply answered something like, “Yes, I may not have quite put it that way, but….” End the conversation, go home and tell him to fuck himself!
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