Archive for December, 2009

Cheap Alcohol

Monday, December 7th, 2009

Just say no!

I went to a party on Saturday night I didn’t get laid, and didn’t get in a fight (Hey, reminds me of Lita Ford’s Kiss me Deadly) and was looking forward to a night of good drinks, food and fun. This is a new friend of ours via a guy who knows a guy….Anyway, he did pass the fuck test as mentioned in my first post so he couldn’t be a bad guy. Well, he’s not a bad guy, but he’s a cheap mf er. He did have a bar which was a good sign. I ordered up a Vodka/Cranberry and got a red plastic cup of goodness. I sipped it and thought, “uh oh….” I am no Vodka snob by any means, but I had to ask the bartender what she was serving me. It was what seemed like a gallon sized container of Smirnoff. I knew I was in for trouble. Who the hell drinks that shit other than teenagers that get hobos to buy up for them and hobos that get a tip from teenagers for buying up for them.

I went with the flow and after only two drinks, I was totally unfit for any party behavior and found myself returning my dinner in the toilet out the wrong end. I even had to cab it home about 1 mile away. My wife was double bitten as well where some very cheap champagne was served and she was blowing chunks too. That stuff tasted like the shit they used to sell at the market with the yellow labels. As a matter of fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if it came from the bowels of their cabinet and did have a yellow label on it.

Anyways, I think we need a new test for cheap liquor at holiday parties…where, sure they can be a friend, but know to b.y.o. at the next one because you may not live to tell about it. Be warned!!!!

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Tiger Woods

Friday, December 4th, 2009

I’ve been following the Tiger around. I say big frigging deal. He cheated…so what. The bigger issue is that he is a total dumbshit because with all that money, he couldn’t cover it up. He left little bitch voicemails to these girls and sent them texts and emails (according to the tabs) that make him look like a big pussy rather than a Tiger. Pussy Woods, now that’s a household name…..
What is this guy thinking? With all that cash, he could have just hired his fun and that would have been that. Instead, the guy thinks he’s committing to every girl he bones. I just don’t understand these famous guys and their idiotic ways. Congrats to Elin, she won the lottery! You think a girl like that really thought Tiger was the bomb? Now, she can get a real man who cheats like a man and all paid for P. Woods.

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Light’s….Camera….No Action

Friday, December 4th, 2009

So I decided to come to work in the afternoon and I just experienced a moment of shame which you can all relate to. Perhaps someone has a solution for me….So I have the urge to take a piss. This is usually quite exciting as I get to take a brief walk down the hall and usually the bathroom is my own on a Friday afternoon. I get to the urinal and some really tall guy gets in the urinal right next to me. I cannot piss. I had to piss like an elephant about 2 minutes ago, but now, I am blocked. Is he watching me? So, unfortunately, this guy gets blocked up too, but he starts first and takes at least 30-40 seconds to get it all out. Meanwhile, I am just standing there. Then, he turns around, barely starts walking away and the floodgates open. Ohhh the shame….

 

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Sick of being Sick

Friday, December 4th, 2009

I hate being sick. I am sick of being sick.
I think I am finally over it so I can start ranting my bullshit here.

I am at the doctor getting treated for my flu or whatever the hell I had. I am in there doing my best not to touch anything or anyone and then this old fuck sits down next to me. Picture a room with like 100 seats, 94 are empty and he sits next to me. Ok, fine, until he pulls out a hanky and starts gagging and snotting into the thing. Who uses a fucking hanky these days? Who knows what other bodily fluids he had in there. He hacking away in that thing and then he drops it on the floor onto my shoe. I am livid, but polite. Do I move? Do I stay and be polite? Then he starts talking to me about his ailments and every other word is followed up with a long clearing of his throat where he then re-swallows whatever came up. Get me the fuck out of here!!!! So here is my escape, sitting on the toilet, blogging this in real time. Thank god for iPhones!

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