I’ve been following the Tiger around. I say big frigging deal. He cheated…so what. The bigger issue is that he is a total dumbshit because with all that money, he couldn’t cover it up. He left little bitch voicemails to these girls and sent them texts and emails (according to the tabs) that make him look like a big pussy rather than a Tiger. Pussy Woods, now that’s a household name…..
What is this guy thinking? With all that cash, he could have just hired his fun and that would have been that. Instead, the guy thinks he’s committing to every girl he bones. I just don’t understand these famous guys and their idiotic ways. Congrats to Elin, she won the lottery! You think a girl like that really thought Tiger was the bomb? Now, she can get a real man who cheats like a man and all paid for P. Woods.
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Tiger Woods
Friday, December 4th, 2009
Light’s….Camera….No Action
Friday, December 4th, 2009So I decided to come to work in the afternoon and I just experienced a moment of shame which you can all relate to. Perhaps someone has a solution for me….So I have the urge to take a piss. This is usually quite exciting as I get to take a brief walk down the hall and usually the bathroom is my own on a Friday afternoon. I get to the urinal and some really tall guy gets in the urinal right next to me. I cannot piss. I had to piss like an elephant about 2 minutes ago, but now, I am blocked. Is he watching me? So, unfortunately, this guy gets blocked up too, but he starts first and takes at least 30-40 seconds to get it all out. Meanwhile, I am just standing there. Then, he turns around, barely starts walking away and the floodgates open. Ohhh the shame….
Sick of being Sick
Friday, December 4th, 2009I hate being sick. I am sick of being sick.
I think I am finally over it so I can start ranting my bullshit here.
I am at the doctor getting treated for my flu or whatever the hell I had. I am in there doing my best not to touch anything or anyone and then this old fuck sits down next to me. Picture a room with like 100 seats, 94 are empty and he sits next to me. Ok, fine, until he pulls out a hanky and starts gagging and snotting into the thing. Who uses a fucking hanky these days? Who knows what other bodily fluids he had in there. He hacking away in that thing and then he drops it on the floor onto my shoe. I am livid, but polite. Do I move? Do I stay and be polite? Then he starts talking to me about his ailments and every other word is followed up with a long clearing of his throat where he then re-swallows whatever came up. Get me the fuck out of here!!!! So here is my escape, sitting on the toilet, blogging this in real time. Thank god for iPhones!
Another joke
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy
Joke of the day
Tuesday, November 24th, 2009What did popeye do when his dick hurt?
He stuck in olive oil
Over Friendly
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009Ok. Since I am a regular guy living a pretty regular life, I am condemned to regular rituals. One ritual that is unsaid but annoying is having to be instant buddies with my kids’s friends parents. I like meeting people as much as the next guy, but fuck, do I need to hang out with a guy because my wife is friends with his wife or because my kids are friends with his? Yes, of course. I have to share my beer, piss away a day of golfing, watch football and obtain a lifetime sentence or at least until the wive’s get sick of each other or until my kid does something to offend their little bastard. Can I get a pass because I am sick of them? Hell no, however, the good news is that women and children usually get sick of their new friends after a few weeks and I can get back to my happydouche free life.
Dieting Sucks
Thursday, November 19th, 2009I hate being a little bitch, but recently, I had to go to the doctor and he politely called me a sweat hog and that if I want to live to see who wins Survivor this season, I better get a bit more exercise.
So, I am eating less, going to the gym and feeling good, except one thing. I miss my regular shit. Not shit as in things to do, but shitting on the toilet at 7PM every night. Now, I maybe shit once every couple of days and it’s a struggle. Talk about losing my manhood, forget erectile dysfunction, I want to read the paper in piece and shit on queue. I am trying more fiber, but would sure be nice just to get back my manhood!
Wtf did i do wrong?
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009So, having a great evening with the family when all of a sudden I am getting chewed out by my lovely wife for nothing. I was actually helping her do something when I get a load of fucking attitude. Of course, I know after this long of being married that if I fight back, I will have 3 days of hell, no sex for a week and a reference point 3 weeks from now when she runs out of shit to complain about, she’ll say, “what did you mean that day when ….”. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be gay.
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